![]() ![]() There has been too much action in reaction to political scandals. Q: What did one lab rat say to the other?Ī: "I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe. Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?Ī: Two. Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?" Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.Ī skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I couldn't concentrate.Ī marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. they make up everything!Īre you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you! If Avogadro calls, tell him to leave his number. My other section is much better prepared than you guys.Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.It doesn't matter what I think write what you believe. ![]() Top Five Lies Told by Teaching Assistants: What is the name of the first electricity detective? Dogs are made up of calcium, nickel and neon (CaNiNe).What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir".Chemistry Cat wants to know: If Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar.Teen 1: Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together? Teen 2: OMg!.What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa!.What do you call a swim team made up of girls named Jennifer? Hygrogens!Ĩ sodium atoms walk into a bar. What gas never cries? Nitrous Oxide (Laughing Gas) One flask says to the other flask, "Cool it! You're Over-reacting! doing stuff in a lab that would be a felony in your garage. The statistician yells, Yes! We got 'em!" The chemist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. Their idea of a catalyst:ĭid you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.Ī biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners. The politically-aware chemistry student protested by carrying a picket sign that stated: "Free Radicals Now!" They would go crazy in jail, a Silicon.And if they stole it, the police would Cesium.Ah, barium anyway, just to see how he reacts.They should have seen the doctor first, he'd Curium.What does one do with a dead body? Barium in a krypt-on.I heard hamburger has less energy than steak because hamburger is in the ground state. Why did the student fail the cadaver lab? What does an anatomist give you when she is mad? Q: What did the biologist couple name their twins? A: One was Jessica and the other one was Control Q: What did the femur say to the patella? A: I kneed you Q: Where does a hippopotamus go to university? A: Hippocampus Q: What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
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